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Family Life
Father and daughter make mitzvah history
Rabbi Philip Bregman calls celebration "wonderful."
ROBERTA STALEY STAFF REPORTER
Afathcr-and-daughter b'nai mitzvah was such an emotional ceremony, it has been dubbed the "four-Kleenex affair."
Richmond's Joan Fader helped her dad, Sam Segal, celebrate his 80th birthday and his bar mitzvah (subject of the com-mandmants) when each attained religious adulthood in the joint celebration at Temple Sholom Nov. 7.
"Wo made history at our synagogue," said Fader. The idea for the b'nai mitzvah came from Fader, who wanted to give her father something unusual and memorable for his Nov. 6 birthday.
At the same time, Segal had a gnawing yearning to become a bar mitzvah. "I told Rabbi Philip Bregman at Temple Sholom: "You know, before I go to my eternal reward, I'd like to read from theTorah.'"
Out of this grew the idea for the b'nai mitzvah. "Before you know it we had a big production going," chuckled Segal.
Added Fader: "He felt comfortable doing it with me, for moral support. It was something wc could do together as father and daughter. I thought it would be the perfect birthday present for him.'"
Rabbi Bregman said it was the first time in the shul's 34-ycar history that a father and daughter celebrated a b'nai mitz-vali together.
"They did a magnificent job. It was wonderful," he said.
Bregman said Segal was also the oldest man to have a bar mitzvah at Temple Sholom, although he has overseen ceremonies for men in their 70s.
Segal, who was reared in Montreal, was too poor to have a bar mitzvah when he turned 13. His father died two weeks before he was born, a victim of the 1918-1919 influenza outbreak that killed 20 million people worldwide.
When Segal reached 13 in 1931, at the height of the Great Depression, "as far as paying a religious tutor to teach mc, that was like reaching for the moon." Segal's mother, Ida, already had Uiree children ages sbc, five and three.
Tlie destitute family survived with the help of charity and the kindness of neighbors. One gave the family day-old bread.
Segal, who would later become an architectural teclinician, dressed in hand-me-downs. His shoes were so worn that the soles flopped. Ho hates anything that reminds him of his childhood poverty. Now, if a sock develops a hole, Segal will throw it away rather than dam it.
For Fader, 50, not having a bat mitzvah was more a sign of the times. When she was 12, girls were less likely to have the com-ing-of-age ceremony. "It wasn't that important that girls have them," Fader said.
Preparing for the b'nai mitzvah was a mammoth undertaking for both of them. Fader, the office manager at the Province newspaper, studied obsessively while preparing dinner, taking her children to events and driving to and from work. She also took Hebrew lessons.
Segal would study and "bawl myself out." He would admonish himself, "That's not the sound, stupid."
His wife, Melva, laughed at the memory. "If I heard it once, I heard it a dozen times." After six months of preparation, the day finally arrived.
Mrs. Segal, a retired nurse who describes herself as a "very calm, stoic person," was overwhelmed with emotion when she read the traditional parent's prayer to Fader.
"I started to cry," she said. Through her tears, Mrs. Segal managed to finish the prayer. "They said it was a four-Kleenex affair," said Mrs. Segal. "I couldn't believe it when I saw Uie men with Mccnexes out."
Added Fader, "It was a very moving, emotional day for all of us. And I can't think of a better thing to have done with my dad on his 80th birthday."
Segal believes the event inspired others. And he credits the event with helping bring his family, who hail bom as far afield as Israel, closer together.
"There you are, a father and daughter together, reading from the "Torali. How many men of 80 go through that exercise?" □
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