Perspective
letter to an Aifspted Fmily
Many Jews are leaving Vancouver arid/or Judaism
nie foUowIng letter was deUversd by hand here la Vancoaver one evening between Rosh Yom KIppnr. It bears with depth on a matter of enonuous fanportance which tWs PW has foCT^^ many times before aiid hi many ways over the years. It was planned to, deal the subject again at this thiuK'but this letter from a young shigle person hi the community tells It the way It Is seen by many young people here. It is yfor thoughrbut also for stock-taldng and action. .
The Editor.
OFFICERS 6tfr
DEAR ADOPTED PAMILY:
I am writing to let you know just why 1 cherish your friendship and what your warmth and caring have meant to me.
You*ve known me during the few years I have lived here and even though we haven't always agreed about things, you've' respected my right to my opinibn. You've made me angry at times but we've shared many ^ laugh, too^ so the scale has been balanced. I know that spme things 1 have said have upset you, too, but because we are friends you have always accepted me in your home with the slate wiped clean after our "encounters" and "exchanges of opinions."
Instead of coming over to discuss a certain matter with you, I thought for a change to send a. letter in my place.
You are familiar with a girl who left Vancouver recently to make her home elsewhere. ^ Even 4hpugh we weren't that close .1 was still saddened to see : her go because; had her.reception been warmer;-during the two years she was iivi(ig here, I know for a ;lact she :wbuld<have'iStayed.;:.
are only someone to and some"" stay and
pass don't
HER DEPARTURE made me think about the meaning of jone life. You see, we tried getting a few of her "friends" together to say farewell, but somehow everyone
Tfo™^ » S?r/?A'J'*"' *'^!^- 8ive out «ur phone numbers and ^eel they lv^n^;;aS'^.*"hori:jfe:5e;i. f" ^
for them, but the time with;
-"date.^
, Thus we have a problem of great magnitude. Because, as L see it, we are dealing with unhappy people, some who, in their desperation, will do things they normally wouldn't do under other circumstances^ They may date someone with whom, ^at one time, they wouldn't even have considered going out. Rather than be alone, they may eventually marry this "second best" but: remain discontent all their married livesr Or, they may divorce.
Then^ there are those who will find that the non-Jewish population is so much bigger than the Jewish one and the availability of the' opposite sex so much greater^ that they wilL date and eventually marry outside'the faith. >
MANY IN MY generation have lived on their own and we realize, as our parents' didn't, .that we would rather remain single by choice; than marry wrongly. , Do you know what it's like b^ing told, :asa!^f-single person: to leave' this city, to marry Nfr. X and mold him into a "mentsch," to stop, being so fussy^ etc^, etc., etc.?
Some of us actually do know what\ve are seeking- in a partner; btit some people
' well-known'fa€t that-the busiest p^bl^'I^* always find , time for, everything ^ but' not for excuses.
So, my .thoughts turned to the cold, reception this girl found here. We have all heard people of all ages call this city beautiful, but . cold and uiifriendly. I used to pu^ the blam^ on.the complainers, ,
saying to .myself that they wferen'tmaking' ■  Wtermarpiage. We have repeatedly queried
„peoi)te^and puttings;them together;,-^ neyer ■ mind educational background, vinterests, cultures.
Mold Mr. X into a "mentsch"? We're not all artists. Lfeave this city? Why? !rp ran- into the, same. situatioi]i in new surroundings? . ^
We 'have heard lectures on increasing
the -effort, weren't ^tting thehilSelves 'dut enough by, attending nleetings^ discussion groups, voicing their opinions outjoud to others, etc. etc. Now, I concede the entire blame does not fall on them.
J was . blessed because I became a member of your family, for. that is how youfve made me feel: Youfre my "adopted"-family. But, unfortunately many of my acquaintances her^ivere nolr' so'lucky: separated from families by inindreds or v^^tBouSands of miles, they found:^^^^^ .literally alone in this' "big, beautiful and unfriendly city." '
They Tiad left,the wamTth'of family life^ having made the decision .to strike out on their own. Yet, if you wduld .ask them, you would find that each of them ttiink of their families especially around holiday time when tiiey feel the void. They are all in contact with their families by phone and letter, so/ independent as tiiey are, they still feel a closeness to their families no matter under what circumstances or for what reasons they left home.
I HAVE SPOKEN to Jewish people in their late 20*s to early 40*s and they all complain that > in Vancouver, Jews of the opposite sex are dull. The universal complaint heard is: "The same pedple show at the Jewish events. I don't'have to go, I can tell'you who wdll be there. There's no one interesting here in Vancouver." So, the natural outcome is that some leave — if their conmiitment to finding a Jewish partner is that strong, as it was with the girl who recently left.
Others stay and. date nbn-Jews; some stay and^ date Jews they, feel are not really
;What-,we can do to remedy the situation; Esther Jungreis came to speak-and told ' us to educate our young with. Jeiyi^h ideals. We have been told that ,money* is the answer. We have tried music, seminars, discussions, :dinners, ^ahces^* pleadings,' threats — and we are^'failing; We know about the Nazi horrors, the Arab problem^ We have been told we; should obey the ' commandments" of the Torah and. keep* .the. Shabbat, take a Jewish, course, learn Hebrew, keep kosher and the list goes' on and on.
So .where is the solution to ihe pro-" blem?
Well, I have done a little research and found the following shockingf^ctisingle: people; are invited into a home (a family setting) on the average of three times a year. Often these are three new homes — not even repeat visits to the same Home. (This includes an invitation for dinner, lunch, coffee or just conversation.)
AND EVERYONE ^has an excuse!^ The young marrieds have eyes only tor'ekch^ other. A single person coming tb tiieir' home is~ "odd person out."
A couple with young children feel that they have nothing in common with a single person failing to realize how many singles like children.
. Middle-aged couples feel there a .generation gap, forgetting that tliey into the same age groups as our parents and we identify with them better then they think.
Senior citizens feel that it is an expense inviting someone for dinner, overlooking
(Continued cm Page 4) See: mm JE^ A»E LEAVis«G
r- DEATHS 1976 —
JOSEPH MORRIS September 30 -
ANNE ADELSON .  October 4
USHER LEVINE October 4
A*. anoHicr Bultotln cemniunlty str. vie* ftatur*, Dntht win b* pub-llthtd wMkly^ « tli«y ■!« n«ls. l«rtil.~THE PUBLISHER.
TAotfjrAf for fAe Week
from the TALMUD >
R. Eliezer bar Maros said: "Wfhy do we go to live ip a Succah after^ Yom. Kifipttr? Because it may be that banishment was decreed against us for an atonement, and we fulfill the decree by coluntary banishment decree by voluntary banishmteht. to a Succah." ^ >
Yalkut, 188b.
Appeal]
Isnel Bond Campaign
.-.^:'...Aiig.aS<«.NevjJS 'Chal Ounpalgtt - !; \^ ^
- .".Oct. IS - Nbv, 15
Richmond-Delta BoUdii^
GampalgQ.Oct; 18-Nov. 20 B'nai B'rith Heart
€^       .Nov. 1-Dec. 15
Social Calendar
Ziona Hadassah Pre-Baaceair' Sale..:;..........Oct. 18
Chai Dinner........ .Oct. 19 ^
T.T. PTA Annnal
-Brunch...........Oct. 20
S.T. Men^B Bnmch Meeting..........Oct. 21 "
Hadassah PnbUc AfiEabs Seminar..........Oct. 24
P.W.' Seminar .... r. ^ Oct' 24
Golden Age Membeiah^
Dinner, J.C.C. ^... Ot^. 25 S.T. VIP Oaapea.,.. Oct!.. 2|; B.B. Van. 668 MmImOi!^ 27
< >^HMfanMdvJe|axi«:ii»>i;f«t> ^At <P«ietzrScfaotf! 30t|i Antilv.
'   Banqaet.t..-......Nov.. 7
Hadassah PnbUc AOalra, «)'
Seminar.........•N<vv.' 7
S.T. Wofflen*kInBcfa.Nov. 9 S.T. VIP Classes ... .Nov. >^ HassldlcFoiirM..;.Nov. 10
P.W.Mem. Tea.....Nov. 14
S.T.ZevScfai£F......N<»v; 15
T.S.Women's Plate     ' • --M
'   Dinner...^----...Nov. 16
S.T. VIP Classes .*lfov. 16 Golden Age Bazaar.-   - ^,
J.C.C.,...,......;Nov. 22
S.T. VIP dasMa •.. .Nov. 26
. EndofMtiens ft* pvMirfwir «■ '« Bidktia  cemniiuiHy firm •r emitslwi'can b« coiresf«4vonly JmrU CdnmiMi^ fioHt ft iCoMH. r, rh. M1.S1B1.^THE pubushul
ftemember
Sabbath beglnsj lightomdlee
Friday, October IS, 6:02
,   ShminiAtzeret  - . " Kohelet, Yiskor,.Geshem - Sabbath ends, BUivdalbdi October 16,7:02.,
Friday, October 22, 5:48 Sedi:e Biteshit, Genesis Sabbath «ads, HavdaUah ,   October 23,6t48
TAe SaftbofA
JEWISH CALENDAR
(lUACH) 5737 ..1976
Shistlnl Atzeret----.. Oct^ 15
Sfanchat Torah.......Oct. liS
Sbnchat Torah......\^ 17
.....Dee. 17
• Asarah B'Tevet.Dec. 31 -1977-.     . ^
B*Shevat........ Feh. 3
All holfdm b«flhi'^tlit,0r««Nirn«
,I1rarsday,.0cf. 14,1976 ; Pu&IEsh«tf «re4My ove» Thursday at
QrlHsii eolumbia VSZ SKji
, Editor end PeUts&ar ^ ,    ^ KOH rSESOMAH Advtt7»blns Meaajsar
: BOS MARKiN
Asssetanf Sd»8r
THITBSDAlF s* 4:08 pjn.
JEWISH WEEKLY SK WESTERN CANAOi^;
BullaHn Copy Ocjiaft bail^a Jawbb Community Contra front door «d at deadSSis. ...
aUBSCftlPTIdMSj S19.e9 jSer^yoMt nOM par year In th9 U.8- ©ther cowntrlas $S3.eo. > Oualnes* > hours: 8:30 o.in. to 4iS0 pMt^ ascept' wrdaya, Jawith anti toaal Holidays. Saeond Class fitell Rastotratlsn minw. bar 1S84.