5700 New Year Edition
[15]
Striciiy Confidential
m m
By PHmiSAS J. BIBON
DIAGNOSIS OF PROGNOSIS
5700 . . . Going into the 57th century. . . Makes us so much older than the rest of the world. . . But there is no respect for old age these days. . . For us 57 centuries simply mean 57 varieties of persecution . .. 57 centuries, and the world is still so infantile, so cruel, so stupid. . . . We're feeling sort of philosophical today, which is not as It should be with our column. . . To snap out of it, we'll turn back a year. . . Last year we gave up a preview of what 5699 would bring forth. . . And, if we do say so ourself, our batting average was pretty good. . . Just check up on us. . . . True, we flopped here and there, but we had the right idea. . . . We didn't believe Frankfurter would get that seat on the Supreme Court, but we underestimated Roosevelt's courage. We did, however, predict that Brandeis would resign this year. . . We told you that the 1939 World Zionist Congress would take place in Switzerland, nunors about a Congress on our own shores notwithstanding. . . We told you that Dr. Solomon Goldman would be re-elected Z.O.A. Prexy. . . That Pierre van Paassen would publish a best-seller— it's been a best-seller for over seven months now. .. That Max Baer would fail on his come-back trail. . . . That there would be a lot of talk about new territories for the refugees, but that nothing would happen. . . . We gave you a more or less realistic preview of things that would happen and things that would never happen on the Jewish scene, and—unfortunately, our predictions having been preponderantly gloomy—we were 99 per cent correct. . . . PREVIEW OF A CENTURY
If Hitler can speak in terms of thousands of years we surely are entitled to talk in terms of centuries. . . Besides, it's much safer to predict the next hundred years than the next year. . . Our great-grandson, not we, will have to carry the bnmt of our errors, if any. . . Which reminds us that Doctor Nostradamus, the great predicter of the sixteenth century, about whom Hollywood recently made a film, was a Jew. . . We point this out again because the Hollywood director buried Nostradamus' family in graves headed by crosses and put the phrophetic Doctor himself into a Catholic monastery. . . And now for the 58th century of Jewish history. . . THE HALF-CENTURY MARK
We take you to 5750. ... In other words, oiu- Rosh Hashannah colmnn to be published In 1989. . . . The American Jewish Congress and the American Jewish Committee are still trying to get together. . . The Joint Distribution Committee has transferred its headquarters to Palestine and Is conducting a big campaign for the relief of English and French Jewry. . . The Jewish Commonwealth of Palestine refuses to accept a League of Nations Mandate over Great Britain, . . A White Paper issued by the Palestinian Parliament proclaims that the Irish and the
English will never get together and that It would be too much trouble to take over the administration of the British Isles. . . Buried on an inside page of the Doar Hayon, Palestinian Hebrew daily, is an item relating that an Englishman named Chamberlain, a descendant of Neville, the famous appeasement premier of fifty years before, has applied to the British coiwts for permission to change his name to Ben Gurion. . . The International Olympic Committee has decided that the next Olympic Games v/Ill take place in Tel Aviv. . . . The Palestine team is expected to win first honors because of its strengeh In long-distance racing. . . Scientists claim that the Jewish supremacy in marathon running is attributable to the old principle of tne survival of the fittest, which operated so effectively in the days of illegal immigration into Palesthie, when only those Jews able to out-distance British and Arab police for long stretches managed to survive. . . .
ANOTHER THIRTY-NINE YEARS A long stride forward to Rosh Has-hanah, 5789. . . . The sensation of the year just past was a weighty tone by Professor Fritz Schweinskopf, who long, long ago occupied a chair in the University of Berlin. ... In his book Professor Schweinskopf tries to prove that the German dictator Adolf Hitler, who ruled Germany from 1933 to 1942, never existed. . . He cites at great length documents chock-full of evidence that Hitler was a legend created by international Jewry in order to destroy Germany. . . Professor Schweinskopf is the last suvivor of a curious sect, known as anti-Semites, whom the present republican German government had segregated in a special area, known as the Nazi Reservation. . . After the death of Professor Schweinskopf, who is well on in years, the German government intends to make the site of the Reservation the locale of a huge exhibition of Jewish cultiural contributions to German life before the Nazis came into power. . . So far, incidentally, the German government's generous offers in Its efforts to induce Jews to return to Germany have failed dismally. . . As the year 5789 is being iishered in a movement is being organized to send German youths out to Jewish settlements in Palestine for the purpose of seeking cut Jewish girls to bring back to Germany as their wives. . . Only by a vigorous campaign to promote German-Jewish intermarriage, the Berlin Academy of Science has declared, will it be possible to revitalize the new decaying German culture. . . . "Jewish blood must live once more on German soil" Is the nek slogan. . .
TURN OF THE CENTURY
And here we are in the year 5800. The Italian government has sent out a flotilla of passenger ships which will call at the various Mediterranean ports pleading with the Jewish communities there to persuade some of their members to establish themselves in Italy. . . The results of this expe-(Continued on Page 24
September, 1939
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